Note: This is the next in a series of posts contributed by our 90 year-old author, ~~~M Wave~~~. Show her some love! Visit her category “Memoirs of a Nonagenarian” at the right to see what else she has written.
I’ve been thinking about “being old” because in my mind I don’t feel old. I still want the same kinds of things I have always wanted. I am fortunate because some of them I can still enjoy. I still take walks…short ones with my cat. Yes, she goes right along with me and doesn’t run off. I think it may be because she is getting old (for a cat) and appreciates still being able to get out. I enjoy using my computer to be in touch with family and friends. I still play the piano enough for my own enjoyment. I like to read. I enjoy some TV shows. I can visit with friends almost any day.
I would still like to go the pool and swim; I would still like go to France and visit my niece who is there during the summer. I would still like to fly to California and babysit my great granddaughter and allow her mother some time for herself. I would like to have my family members who have left this earth back here with me. I would like to………, but I am not able to have or do everything I would like. That is part of what it means to be old.
But I’ve never been able (for other reasons) to do all I’d like to do. So that’s nothing new.
So what is new about being old?
Of course, I know what you might say. It is that you are hurting. Again, that isn’t so new, either. Life has given me more than a few hurts.
I guess, the new thing is that we yearn so much for the old things that were good. Then the hurting gets worse. Your arthritis hurts more. Your fibromyalgia hurts more. Your hurting from a fall lasts longer. You hurt because you can’t process plots on movies and plays as fast as you used to and you appear dumb to others. You hurt because you can’t see as well as you used to and you can’t read as fast. You hurt because you make foolish math mistakes that you never used to do. You hurt because a friend’s husband just died and you cannot go to comfort her. You hurt for all the things you still want to do and cannot. You hurt because you feel you are not of any help to anyone. You hurt just because you fear you are a burden to others.
So, I guess what’s new about “being old” is just hurting more.
Thus, what you do, if you are old, is what you have done all your life. Survive the hurting. Do all you can to be a cheerful person, smile, think positively and live each day as best you can, realizing that each of us is interlocked with everyone else as all of us age each year. Then you won’t hurt so much.