As Much As I Can Summon

“Whatever may be the tensions and the stresses of a particular day, there is always lurking close at hand the trailing beauty of forgotten joy or unremembered peace.” 
― Howard Thurman, Meditations of the Heart

This is going out to those of you who might be going through a challenging couple of days.

I know that there are those individuals in my own life with whom I share a connection that befuddles my understanding in terms of the synchronicities that we have in our spiritual journeys. The synchronicities make me believe a little more easily that perhaps the moon, the stars, God, the butterfly effect–whatever it might be might truly be causing a certain atmosphere to be manifest and that those of us who think we are just experiencing some really “bad days” might actually be riding a purposeful wave of cosmic and/or divine change that is beyond us.

Not that I know what to do with that. I just can entertain that possibility more…the alternative being more about random moods, inconsistent perspectives about very important things, and in the end not much purpose to it all. In the latter scenario I fear that, in the middle of a low time, I could wreak havoc on the beautiful things that are being built in my life like relationships and new healthy practices and the pursuit of dreams. In the former there is always the hope that the bigger purpose is GOOD and that if I persevere that good will prevail.

And so over the years it has given me gradually more and more comfort to think that perhaps I am not so alone in my low times, but am actually experiencing something that is being shared by many of us as we represent a larger “body.” It has also taught me to try and turn my attention away from myself during my low times if I can and to place my inner attention on others that might be going through something of similar spiritual character. 

On that note, I turn to any of you who have experienced something in the last few days like I have.  A confusing resurgence of old fears and negative mindsets. Less hope and more negativity. A feeling of disconnect. I’m thoroughly aware of the tangible circumstances that have caused this for me, but what is perplexing is the strength of these things and the seemingly insurmountable load of them.

That is why I look around from under the brick pile of all this negativity and peer to and fro to see if any of you are under your own pile right now too.

There’s a good chance that one of you is. So to you, I am here too! Get those bricks off if you can, but otherwise hang in there under your pile and remember that the bricks aren’t going to be there forever. They aren’t really you but are something that you are experiencing for some reason right now. Try to believe that..what you believe about your circumstances becomes your reality. There is goodness on your side and there is a “body” of which you are a part that couldn’t function without you.

I speak these things to you because I am unable to speak them to myself right now. Or I should say, I can’t “hear” them right now. But if we really are one then maybe I can share in your upliftment and perseverence.

That is as much positivity as I can summon right now and it is for you, whoever you are! Tomorrow is our new day!

~~~S Wave~~~

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I Am Because WE Are

Mural Project led by David Genszler

Silohuette Mural Project led by David Genszler

In Charles Eisenstein’s book, The Ascent of Humanity, he writes:

“Interdependency,” which implies a conditional relationship, is far too weak a word … the self is not absolute or discrete but contingent, relationally defined, and blurrily demarcated. There is no self except in relationship to the other. The economic man, the rational actor, the Cartesian “I am” is a delusion that cuts us off from most of what we are, leaving us lonely and small. (p. 20)

I remember learning to see language as a dialogic process as opposed to a linear process during my graduate studies. Dialogic in the Bakhtinian sense that the meaning of a written or verbal message is not formulaically determined by syntax, semantics, and neurological language processing but that meaning is constantly constructed and reconstructed based on the speaker/listener/past messages/anticipated messages. Language can NEVER be decontextualized. Even the “decontextualized” testing items we administer to measure language skill are actually reverberating and being redefined within the very real “context” involving teacher/student/testing environment/etc.

The above quote reminds me that maybe we are dialogic in a way too. We are not actually individuals at all but are (as I have obviously said before 🙂 ) like the waves of the ocean: contingent, relationally defined, and blurrily demarcated.  I am only because WE are.

From one to ONE

I have been feeling more and more boundless during my times of prayer. When I close my eyes and sink deeper and deeper into it, I can begin to sense that the idea of my body as my boundary is contrived. That my true self is without limits. Like I said, I’m no ordinary squirrel. 😉

I remember when I was about nine that I had a life-changing moment driving past the lake in the passenger seat of my mom’s car. Looking out the window I suddenly realized in my gut that I was completely singular, completely alone in my experience. I remember looking at mom and, with no small sense of amazement, realized that she and I were two different people and our experience of the world would never fully converge. I would never know what her eyes saw as she looked at the same road I was looking at, or how the seat beneath her felt on her legs, or what thought was filling her mind from one moment to the next. It felt very isolating, yet somehow inspiring. There was suddenly a feeling of importance for my life, but also great alone-ness.

Whether or not it is related to that early event, for most of my life I have been operating under an unexamined belief that we are all separate. Why wouldn’t I think that? Don’t most people think that? Doesn’t it look like that? I am me and you are you. I am one and you are one. Here we are:

one, by ~~~S Wave~~~

Even as I’ve come to know more about God, even as I’ve experienced inexplicable connections with a few very special people, even as I have done some reading up on metaphysics and theories of transpersonal connection, my grander experience of life has never really changed. So why would my overall paradigm change?

But now, something new is dawning. The other night, as I was feeling boundless, I said, “Thank you for the way you move through all things.” With those words my paradigm changed. Suddenly there is a ONE. If my Self is boundless, then your Self is boundless. And his…and hers… Where do you begin and I end? Where does my spirit or consciousness or energy cease to inform yours and vice versa? Where does yellow end and green begin?

ONE, by ~~~S Wave~~~

I’m telling you, I am walking down the streets of Los Angeles the past few days passing people and thinking, “Do you know that we are actually colliding right now?? That you are made up of divinity just like the rest of us? How cool is that!?” This doesn’t mean I have to trust every person, that I have to welcome their energy into my experience, but I do think it is a part of the Love that I have asked to learn more about.

As for separateness, I think we are separate as sensory processors and as egos. My little nine year-old self was right about that. But senses and egos are not all we are.

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A final reminder—for you and for me—that this blog was started with the idea that we are like waves. Remember that you can not point to where your wave ends and another’s begins. Nor can you can point to where your wave begins and the ocean ends. It is a metaphor I like…and now I like it even more. Hope you do too.